A Woman

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.' The woman freed the frog,...

Clean Up on Aisle 25

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies. "Put them back, we can't...

Pilot Humor

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ************************************************************************************************** Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise...

Puns

PUNS 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a...

Knowing the Difference

Grandma and Grandpa, sitting in their rocker's, in front of a warm fire. Each were reading their favorite magazine, when Grandma gets up walks over to Grandpa...cracks him across the head with her magazine. "THAT'S for being a lousy lover all these...

The Shoplifter

A middle-aged woman was arrested for shoplifting a can of pineapple slices. When she appeared in court, the Judge gave her a stern admonishment, saying "There were 12 slices of pineapple in that can that you stole. I'm going to sentence you to a week...

The Tatoo

A fat and grumpy old nurse was prepping a young man for an abdominal surgery.She sidled up to the pretty, young nurse who was arranging the surgical instruments. "You should see this", said the old nurse. "This guy has the word 'little' tatooed on his...

Work, Work, Work...

One of the less pleasant things about the Christmas season, besides the weather, is that there is a seemingly endless list of chores and tasks that need to be completed before the big day. Different people have different traditions but I am betting...

Holiday Hazing??

I have always been an inveterate people watcher. I can spend hours sitting in an outdoor cafe watching people do all the funny things that people do. Many is the time at a party when I have sat back and enjoyed myself immensely just watching people as...

Frank Feldman

A man walks out to th= street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets in the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like; Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like...

Tool Time??

It should come as no surprise to anyone that boys and girls are inherently different. Any suggestion that the differences must be attributed to nurture instead of nature simply ignores countless studies and centuries of experience. Personally, I am...

To Get You IN The Holiday Mood

Are you into the holiday mood yet? Here's one for you: A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on Her new shiny bike stopped beside him. 'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?' 'Yes Sir,' the little girl...

emotional infidelity?

Every relationship abides by an unsaid rule about keeping your love and emotions together, of sharing everything, right from your daily concerns and problems to your emotional dilemmas with the person that you're in love. But what if your soul finds...

The Spelling Bee

I posted this first on the blog side and then I found the forums. I guess I am a bit ass-backwards, but I'm new. Enjoy. Remember the show "The Little Rascals" with Darla, Alfalfa, Buckwheat and Spanky? Well, it seems they were having their annual...

Quotes On Marriage

Quotes on Marriage I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. The last fight...

Drink To Your Health

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we...

Credit Card Conundrum

Subject: Fw: CANCEL CREDIT CARD before you die A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had...

Who Is Jack Schitt?

> WHO IS JACK SCHITT ? > > For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an...