thought puns

when I first starting blogging I had a bit of trouble with my posts, so I e mailed thought sos to the staff using a bunch of thought puns see how many we can come up with

Grumpy old man

A grumpy old man walks into a local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, "I wanna join this damn church." The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, dammit. I said I...

New Jokes!!!

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Mr. Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was...

SIlent Treatment

;)The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business...

Adam & Eve

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' enquired God. 'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I...

Remember This At Christmas Time

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain...

Hi I am back with new jokes!!!

An Antarctican boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The...

Joke - O'Malley and sheep

O�Malley was talking to some young lads at the local pub, ranting as usual. The just of his rant was that he was not appreciated. �Lads� O�Malley said. �You see the Well down at the town square? I made that over the course of five years. It took a lot...

Three Things To Ponder !!!!!!

[SIZE="4"]Three Things to Ponder: 1. Cows 2. The Constitution 3. The Ten Commandments COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad Cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada Almost three years...

Tequila Christmas Cake

[SIZE="3"][B]Please be careful while baking this cake :) Tequila Christmas Cake 1 cup water 1 tsp. baking soda 1 cup sugar 1 tsp. salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs Nuts 1 bottle tequila 2 cups dried fruit Sample the tequila to check...

A level of Insanity !!!!!!!!!!

[B][SIZE="4"]Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity. 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3....

The little "Darling"

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's...

A man walks into a bar...........

ok i want the best punchline to the 'A man walks into a bar' gag! the best one wins...........a similar prize to that of the last to the post but only if you make me do a belly laugh please don't all do the 'ouch!' line he he

George Carlin's Deep Thoughts

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? How is it possible to have a civil war? If God dropped acid, would he see people? If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed,...

The Little Firefighter

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]A firefighter is working outside the station when he notices a little girl in a little red wagon with small ladders on the sides, a garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon is...

Crime Doesn't Pay When You're an Idiot!

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]If you're going to be dumb enough to commit a crime - at least be smart enough to not be an idiot about it!!! ---------------------- A man walked into a convenience store with a gun and demanded that the cashier...

What Women's Words Mean

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women 1. - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up. 2. - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to...

Thoughts on Marriage - by Kids

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"] "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, AGE 6 "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you...

Things Not To Say to Police Officers

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"] 1. Are you Andy or Barney? 2. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 3. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer. 4. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my...