Poor Wayne

I was sent this pic of Wayne and was told what happened. Well you see, Old Wayne has always missed New Years Eve celebrations due to his consumption of booze prior to the 12 hour. So this year he decided to celebrate a little early. Problem was he was...

Why men Prefer Dogs

Why some men have Dogs instead of Wives: The later you are, the more excited they are to see you Dogs don't notice if you call them by another name. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. A dog's parents never visit. Dogs agree that...

Kids say the darndest things!

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read: 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of...

Women Are Evil By Nature

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers, which he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you...

Fishing

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour. The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into...

are you enough for a woman

A "Husband Shopping Centre" was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men, to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was, once you...

humorous

This was by writer Dave Berry about his first procedure! In a humorous way. I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a...

Tell A Joke

The hooker went to the doctor to see why her hair on her stuff wouldnt grow. The doctor said when is the last time you see grass grow on a busy street!

Joke

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed, to make serving drinks more efficient. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "140." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about string theory and...

Stella Awards

Stella Awards are named after Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds where she purchased the coffee. The awards are for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S.; the kind that make you scratch your...

Husbands!!!!

The husband turned over in bed and began to fondle his wife. "I'm sorry, honey," said the wife, "I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow, and I really want to stay 'fresh'." Rejected, the husband turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls...

Grandma's Boyfriend

Grandma's boyfriend A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' Grandma...

Kite Tale

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching...

Cannonballs

It was neessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the canon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on...

News Reports from Africa

And some people wonder shy Africa is in the state it's in.... THE CAPE TIMES: "I have promised to keep his identity confidential," said Jack Maxim, a spokesperson for the Sandton Sun Hotel, Johannesburg, "but I can confirm that he is no longer in our...

New Stock Market Terms

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genuis. Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no...

Senior's Bumper Stickers

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today. When I was young, all I wanted was a nice BMW. Now I don't care about the W We got married for better or worse. He couldn't do better, I couldn't do worse. I asked my wife if old men should...

Thanksgiving Divorce

Thanksgiving Divorce A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. 'Pop, what are you...

Senior's Pre-nuptual Agreement

SHE: I want to keep my house. HE: That's okay with me. SHE: I want to keep my cadillac. HE: That's okay with me. SHE: I want sex 6 times a week. He: Put me down for Fridays.

These Re The Jokes

Ok, I don't know if y'all have a joke thread and I am too damn lazy to go back and try to find it so I just figured it was easier to start a new thread. I got this joke forwarded to me this morning. I thought it was cute so I figured I would share it...

Mr. Wallace & Nurse Tracy

An Old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong, 'Yes, Nurse Tracy,' said Mr. Wallace. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.' Knowing...

The Diaries

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation...

Noah Today

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said: "Once again the earth has become wicked and over populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing along...

Funny Blogs

Hi all I'm new to thoughts.com and blogging as well. My site is And I'd like for you guys to check it out. I've heard lots of positive reviews but am having trouble getting more regular readers. If anyone else has blogs that are similar to mine I'd...

Because We Are Men

If we put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, we're a male chauvinist pig. If we stay at home and do the housework, we're a pansy. If we work too hard, there is never any time for her and the kids. If we don't work hard...