Old Lady Jokes

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together. One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled. The...

Why it's Great to be a Guy

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Okay, I posted one for the women - I guess it's only fair that the guys get some air-time too..... Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" Bachelor parties whomp butt over...

20 Ways To Annoy A Public Bathroom Stallmate

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]If only I had the nerve to try some of these..... :rolleyes: 1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, 'May I borrow a highlighter?' 2. Say, 'Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on...

Creative Ways to Annoy Others

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and...

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really ticked off. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE...

A story..Beware twisted humor ahead

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer�.The True Hollywood Story Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was not always the star we know him as now�.in fact, his life started with nowhere to go but up, or so it seemed. Rudolph Rainbow Reindeer was born on the outskirts...

Fatal Things To Say To Your Pregnant Wife

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]I've never been pregnant - but I would imagine that these little comments wouldn't go over so well...... ;) 17. "I finished the Oreo's." 16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."...

Men Are Like

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"](Hahaha, sorry about the male bashing - I'm PMS'ing - and you have to read THAT thread to know that that really means!) :D ..Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. ..Mascara. They usually run...

Wittle Wabbit

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you...

Marriage Quotes By Men

[COLOR="Purple"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"] I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost...

Advantages Of Being A Woman

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Girl Power!!! :D ======================= 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our...

Sotally Tober.

Sotally Tober Starkle starkle little twink who the hell you are I think I'm not under what you call the alcofluence of incohol I'm just a little slort of sheep I'm not drunk like tinkle peep I don't know who is me yet but the drunker I stand here the...

Demotivators

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]If you've walked the halls of Corporate America, you've no doubt seen Successories - framed images & words that are supposed to inspire, motivate, blah blah blah. Well - someone who has a REAL grip on life in...

Creative Ways to Call Someone Stupid

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]My Mom always said it wasn't nice to call someone stupid. I wish I'd had this list handy as a kid.... ;) The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead. Whole lotta choppin', but no chips a flyin'. When God baked...

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Yeah - you've heard most of these before - but they still make me giggle every year :D 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are 3. Dementia...

Comebacks For "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]If only I had the nerve to use some of these...... :rolleyes: I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. What? And spoil my great sex life? Nobody would believe me in white. Just lucky, I guess. My...

Guts or Balls???

The Medical Distinction We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below. Guts - is arriving home late after a night out...

Memorable Headlines

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Farmer Bill Dies in House Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case...

The Warden's New Kitchen

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made...

Calamities in Internet Dating

Date No. 1 I show up. He has no teeth. Well, one tooth...in the front...and it's crooked. I find that I have no appetite for my turkey sandwich as I watch him gum at his steak. It's a wondrous thing to behold really. He looks up from his plate at me...

Fetching Cotton

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]A debt collector knocked on the door of a country family, that made their living weaving cloth. "Is Jack home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Im sorry," the woman replied. "Jack's gone for cotton." A...

Twin Skunks

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="Purple"]A mother skunk gave birth to twins, whom she named In and Out. One day In was out, so she aked Out,"Out go out and find In, In's out and I want him in, I've been looking for In outside for ages, I can't...

Thoughts To Change Your Outlook

A person who smiles in the face of adversity.....probably has a scapegoat. Plagiarism saves time. If at first you don't succeed, try management. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. TEAMWORK.....means never having to take all the...

Bumper Stickers for Women

- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people - How can I miss you if you won't go away? - Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. - If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap, and easy! - Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the...

Little Johnny

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?" he asked. "To stay pretty for daddy," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a...