The Sucking-In Theory

The Sucking-In Theory He'd be a lot fatter if he wasn't sucking it in Premise:   I recently became aware that when I am around a girlfriend and have my shirt off, I often unconsciously suck my stomach in (even...

Why Don't They Flush?

Poop Faux Pas? The Scenario: You've seen it more times than you'd like to remember, a bowl full of insurmountable poo staring you in the face when you open up a public washroom stall. Why is that there? Who left it? Was the...

The year is 1947

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) :rolleyes:with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well...

Thoughts!!!

Nice Thoughts I received By Mail:) 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back...

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES � If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. � If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains. EATING OUT � When the bill...

What Love means to a 4-8 year old......

[SIZE="2"]Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader...

How it works

Once upon a time a man told a small village, 'I will buy monkeys for $10 each.' Since there were many monkeys in the forest, the villagers caught them and sold them to the man. As the supply of monkeys diminished, the villagers' efforts slowed, so the...

All those years...

One day at the monastery, the new novice scrivener came up to see Brother John with a question about the order's rules he was copying over. Later that evening, Brother John wasn't at the dinner table. The novice said he'd left the Brother that...

Summary of Life

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to...

Moms in group therapy

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "Mary, you are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."...

Maine joke

A Maine State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 12 miles south of the New Brunswick / Maine state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to...

Do the math

Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning: My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this...

Oops!

Gee, I can see how they might have gotten these "offenses" confused, since they are so similar.:D

U just never know………

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Little India, formerly known as Australia. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Australia's third...

Humor & Moral old story

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his...

Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives: 1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog's parents never visit....