Viagra

A Gentleman in his 90's brought a prescription for Viagra to his pharmacist and asked him if he would please cut the pills into 1/4 each. The Pharmacist told the gent "Sir, I'd be happy to oblige, but you do understand that taking 1/4 of one of these...

Sex drive

93 year old man walks into his Doctor and says "I'd like a prescription for something to lower my sex drive please". The Doctor looks him over and says "Mr. Smith, I'm not sure how to put this to you, but I think this problem of yours is all in your...

"Packing materials"

The day before his wedding this guy decides to play a game of baseball with his buddies. Playing shortstop he gets hit in the nads with a line drive. He goes to the doctor in a lot of pain, and the doctor tells him there is nothing he can do except...

Artificial Insemination.

ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores. "That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a nail by the right stall so you'll know...

Retirement.

RETIREMENT ______________________ My nookie days are over, my pilot light is out. What used to be my sex appealIs Now my water spout. Time was when, of its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job Just to find the...

Two Letters.

Letter from a nagging wife to her husband: Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your...

I Made a Funny: Season 1

I'm new here, but I'm hoping that I'll fit in. I make a comedy show every once in a while. It's mainly for teens or younger, so if you are 24+, you might not like it. This is all of season 1. http://www.youtube.com/user/triplejctick11 Hope you guys...

Football as a Fertility Symbol.

With football season approaching with much anticipation, I thought that I would post this little gem from my archives for all here at Thoughts to enjoy. ;) __________________________________________________________________________ Obviously, Football...

Flatulence.

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and...

Property Rental.

LAW AS IT SHOULD BE __________________________________________________________________________ One evening after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive lady walking just...

Gloves

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note. Romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his...

Sexual Tension Quiz.

Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less...

Revenge can be so sweet.

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was...

A New Talent.

A young fellow walks into a talent agent's office and says he wants to break into show biz, so the agent says "Okay, kid, show me what you do." The kid tells some jokes, does a little soft shoe, sings a bit, does an acrobatic act with an ottoman, and...

Love

[COLOR="Black"]Love A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner Love ? Chicken, beef or lamb ?" He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken." "Fuck You. You're having soup. I was...

"the rest of the story" about Texans

A New Mexican mountain lion comes to visit his Texas cousin and notices right off that the Texas lion is nothing but skin and bones. They discuss it for a while and it seems the Texas lion is eating plenty of Texans and should be in fine shape as far...

Mule Trading

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news,...

A polite way to pee

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: ' Michael , if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'...

Long, Hard and Pink.....

"Today in class", said Mrs. Johnson the kindergarten teacher. "Were going to play a guessing game". "Ok here we go, its a fruit, its yellow, and tastes good". Little Susie raised her hand. "its a lemon!" "No I'm sorry its a banana but I'm glad to see...

A Bet

The teacher stood in front of the class room and shouted out today assignment, "Today are going to do a little activity..." the class sat up, happy to be doing something other than work, "...one at a time you are going to tell me what your daddy is,...

Safe Sex Education, a poem.

I suppose this could go in the Health & Nutrition section [Url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwfXdoTjgJQ&feature=related"][/url] [QUOTE] Gotta new lover Better take cover Got some advice You`d better think twice Arrow`s in the quiver When...

Why California is broke...

The Governor of California is out walking his dog along a nature trail. A coyote, driven to hunger by urban sprawl, attacks the dog. The Governor, getting bitten in the process, restrains the coyote and turns it over to the Department of Fish and Game...