"Hole" Professions

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole...

elephants

how many elephants can you get in a mini ? 4 2 in front and 2 in back how do you know if there as been an elephant in your fridge foot prints in the butter how do you know if there as been 2 elephants in your fridge 2 sets of foot prints in the butter...

what is....

what is black and white and black and white and black and white? a nun falling down stairs what is black and white and red all over? a nun at the bottom of the stairs.

Neighborhood sex

NEIGHBORHOOD SEX The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his...

8 words that have different meanings

Eight Words with Two Meanings 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male.... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male........

Universal Profession Insult Joke

Got the hump with a particular occupation or profession? Cops busting your balls, Lawyers taking your money, Accountants lying, Bureaucrats delaying? Simply go into a room full of the bastards and tell this joke. Insert the appropriate profession -...

stupid funny story

Dr.Swole In The Gym: As many of you know, I joined a college gym due to the hot poon there. From my six years of higher education (four years of undergrad and two years getting my masters), I came to realize there is nothing quite like porking college...

Misc.Dumb Jokes

Whatever hits the fan will not be distributed evenly. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it. FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except for the one where you're naked in church. Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough. Kinky is using a...

A woman's poem

A WOMAN'S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's rich and...

The 10 Commandments of Marriage!

Commandment 1 Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning. Commandment 2 If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Commandment 3 Marriage is grand -- and divorce is...

Off to the cleaners!!

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners... On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says "Come Again." The blonde turns and says, "No, it's toothpaste this time you nosey bitch!" :)

A husband's prayer

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I...

8 rules for dating my daughter...

Those of you that have daughters should be able to appreciate these rules. As I have 4 daughters, I told them I was going to have a nice tri-fold pamphlet printed up so they could hand them out to their dates before meeting me, just to make sure we...

Lie Detector

Lie Detector John came home with an unusual purchases. It was a Japanese Hi Tech Humanoid Robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy , their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was...

Bush Joke

Just to prove how flexible I am......... Bush's Brain Scan George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two...

'Involuntary Muscular Contractions'

A professor at the University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He...

Viagra n Pharmacology

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.For > example, the trade name of Panadol also has a generic name of Paracetamol. > Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Nurofen is also called Ibuprofen. > > The FDA...

God VS Scientist Joke

This is another I got emailed to me this morning.... God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you...

Obama Joke

Okay, don't get all up in arms and call me a racist over this one....I just got emailed this short Obama joke, and I thought it was cute. That is all.... Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where did you get...

Daffynitions

There used to be a small section in the comics section of the newspaper when I was growing up called "Daffynitions", and it consisted of some of the funniest quips I'd ever read. Sneeze - The explosion of a tickle. Circle - A round straight line with a...

Eagle Sex

One day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead! Harry was devastated, but after about five minutes of mourning he decided...

When insults had class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."...

The Trade

A 10-year-old boy was sitting in front of his house trying to sell a lawnmower to passersby when a preacher came by on a bicycle. "How much do you want for the mower?", asked the Rev. "I just want enough to buy myself a bicycle", replied the boy. The...