Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next...

Things you may and may not want to imagine

Things you may and may not want to imagine. Ladies, I�ll be guessing at how you think. Men, We will vary only slightly. Here's the sceen, It�s the weekend, all the kids are gone and won�t be back for hours. Men; ahh. Time for some peace and quiet, or...

KIds say...

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and...

Why God make Maryland

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day... He inquired, "Where have you been?" God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."...

Apples And Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they sometimes take the apples from the ground that are not as good,...

i heard a funny joke today...gotta share

an new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he will be working in and passes a room where a man is vigorously masturbating. the intern ask..why is he doing it in the open? Doctor says he has a medical condition where sperm buidls up so quickly he...

Truck Shopping

[SIZE="4"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]I stopped by the Chevy Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Vehicle. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new "feel" before they become extinct... The salesman (wearing an Obama...

Golf Anyone?

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men’s' tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and whiffs it...

Vampire attacks nuns

Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the hood of their car. The one nun says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross!" So the other nun leans out the window and shouts, "Get off our f--ing car!"

Do you think Jesus ...

[LIST] [*]had acid reflux [*]had farts [*]burped [*]had acne [*]had blisters [*]had dandruff [*]had the blues [*]had diarhea [*]had wet dreams [*]sighed [*]swore when angry [*]had navel lint [*]hemoroids [*]got drunk [*]winked at pretty girls [*]smiled...

Surprize, Surprize!

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. ''Hello there,'' says the man, ''and what is your name?'' ''Hello,'' giggles the woman, ''I'm Stacey. What's yours?'' ''I'm Jim.'' ''Jim, do you want to come...

Three Little Ducks.

A man walks into a bar with three little ducks and sits each of them on a stool, he looks up at the bartender and says, �Could you mind my ducks while I go use the phone?� The bartender is puzzled, but he doesn't see a problem and agrees to look after...

Jokes

One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots. The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the heck are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies "Well, Sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the...

DrinkedIn- surprising site

Seeing as I'm new here, I decided to start up with a new thread as an introduction...:o Anyways, here it is for all you workers out there! I was looking around the internet with a bunch of my friends at the office I work at and we stumbled upon this...

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the...