A dog walks into a bar.

A dog walks into a bar and sits on the stool and yells at the bartender. I am a talking dog, bet you don't get many of those around here. Bartender ignores him, dog says again, bet you don't get many talking dogs around here what does it take to get a...

bill clinton walking along the beach

and a texan pushed him and his wife down and tells bill, " you sniveling little weasel. im going to make love to your wife right in front of you. and to top it off, you will hold by ballsack to keep it from dragging across the sand. and if you dont, im...

Dr Sesus On the Golden Years...

[SIZE="3"][COLOR="Red"]I cannot see I cannot pee I cannot chew I cannot screw Oh My God What can I do? My memory shrinks My hearing stinks No sense of smell I look like hell My mood is bad--can you tell? My body's drooping Have trouble pooping The...

Life after death

You've seen this before. The condition of dying but not staying dead. Sounds great huh. But No. It really is not. side effects of this non death condition, include being placed in horror films, making a constant "ughhhh" noise, and craving brains. It's...

Ha Ha Ha

If Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton were in the middle of the ocean and their boat was sinking, who would be saved.......... AMERICA. GOT TO LOVE A GREAT JOKE LIKE THAT!!!!

The Cannibals

A big mining company recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now", said the HR manager during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any...

Powerthirst

OK EVERYONE!!!! Check these out!!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk Watch them in that order too :)

Perfect husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the...

To bee shore to bee shore!

An Irishman goes to the doctor with botty problems.... So the doc asks him to drop his pants & has a look... Tentatively, he eases the note out of the mans bottom & a 10 note appears... The doc pulls out the 10 note & a 20 appears, then...

I'm Flunking The Whole Class !!!!

I'M FLUNKING THE WHOLE CLASS...... Good morning, THOUGHTS.COM "Humor-page" readers. AS A TEACHER.... I'm going to have to FLUNK THIS WHOLE CLASS in "READING COMPREHENSION - 101." The REASON: About 24-hours ago.... I posted a NEW THREAD on this page...

Jacked-up Hotel Rates

JACKED-UP HOTEL RATES..... A man and his wife were traveling by car from Miami to New York. After almost twenty hours on the road, they decided to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They had only planned to freshen-up and sleep for FOUR-HOURS and...

Bubba Died..

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Cooter arrived first, and when the...

The Fly and the Cat?

This is a story about A Fly, a Fish, a Bear A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat. There is a moral to this story...... Maybe not the one most of you expect.... So, read on! In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream. The hot, dry fly...

Old Timers Sex

This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy! The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to...

Viagra..And Why My Hubby Can't Have It....

A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs? a slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?' . He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my...

the story of a heroic pig...

A man's walking down a country road when he spies what appears to be someone walking a dog coming from the opposite direction. As he gets closer he see that it's a farmer walking a pig on a leash, and the pig is walking with a limp because it only has...

Australian vacation...

Harry and Ethel are both finally retired Americans and are deciding where to take their first long vacation. Ethel wants to go to Europe but Harry talks her into a trip to the Austrailian outback by pointing out all the great photos she could take with...

10 Things Women Hate to Hear in Bed

The guys had their chance. Now it's the ladies turn. Here's what they had to say. http://www.purpleslinky.com/Humor/Life/10-Things-Women-Hate-to-Hear-in-Bed.89961

New Quotes to Ponder (lols)

gone are the old sayings ... i'm sure you'll agree to these more ... 1. Behind every cloud is a silver lining. Behind every cloud are the other clouds. 2. Don't judge the book by its cover. Don't judge the book by its cover if you are not a judge or...