The over 30 crowd!

edit | delete The over 30 crowd! If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking...

Girls night out, after marriage

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as...

Make up your mind

[COLOR="Purple"][I][B]A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while,...

Internet! What else is there? Hmmmm!

Are we too bored with our own lives or just don't want to be where we are or have nobody to turn to ... to run to the computer as soon as we wake up and check for messages? What's wrong with this picture? Is there something wrong with it at all? What...

School Answering Machine

[B][I][COLOR="Green"]This is the message that the Maroochydore High School Queensland, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because...

You know you're lonely when....

You log on to Thoughts to tell everyone about the cool giant pink flamingos you bought to aggravate your neighbors because you have no one else to talk to.

Trouble With Politics

I was driving from Iowa City to Cedar Rapids the other day when a tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town. The first vehicle to stop was an old...

You might be a Neocon if...

You think that the best way to protect people from illegal drugs is to put them in prison. You think "compassionate conservatism" is when you feel sorry for the homeless guy sleeping in the gutter as you step over him on your way to a $1000 a plate...

quiznos..

ok idk if its just me.. but who finds the new quiznos torpedo commericals a lil disturbing?:D it makes me laugh because i work there and i had this couple ask me if our ovens really talk to us like that.. =]

Jigsaw Puzzle - Blonde Joke

[B][I][COLOR="Blue"]John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's way too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any...

Canada Audit

[I][B][COLOR="DarkRed"]Revenue Canada sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well,...

The Old Prospector

[COLOR="Green"][B][I]An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood...

School's Answering Machine

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message that the Maroochydore High School Queensland, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for...

Biker's wish

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,' Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and...

(President Bush and Moses.)

President Bush while taking his morning constetutional noticed Moses about a block,ahead of him. Bush called out to Moses to stop as he wanted to talk with him. Moses ignoring Bush just kept on walking. Finaly ketching up to Moses,Bush asked him why he...

Boudreaux at the pearly gates...

Old Boudreaux died and went to the pearly gates. St. Pete was just waiting for him to get there. When they met up, St. Pete said, "Whoa, Boudreaux, I can't let you pass through the gates until you answer three questions." Old educated Boudreaux say,...

Pool Party

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all his buddies and neighbours.He also invited Colin, the only Aborigine in the neighbourhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone...

Kids Say The Darndest Things

little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad Bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried About what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.. The son sees his mom and asks,...

Lack Of Communication

A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small...

Australian Chivalry

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning. One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she...

Cheap Drinks

A guy goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one beer chaser. The bartender lines up seven shots and goes to get the beer. When he comes back with the beer only moments later, all seven shots were gone. The bartender says, "Wow! You sure...

Union Rules

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't." "Well, if I pay...