Cleaning the toilet

Instructions for cleaning the toilet: 1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo. 2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet. 3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat...

Important Warning For Women...

(from cdnurse) You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was...

funnys!!!

oki u know the crap Spam mails u get 2 ur inbox with the IF U DO NOT FORWARD blah blah blah well im gona post all the funny 1s on here just coz i can :D but im NOT going 2 curse u 4 reading them THERE WILL BE NO FORWARDING NEEDED lol just read and enjoy

Truck for sale (lol)

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, 'Where did you get that truck???!!!' He calmly told them, 'I bought it today.' 'With what money?' demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet...

Develop STRENGTH beyond your wildest dreams

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then...

The Rooster And The Cat....

THE ROOSTER AND THE CAT.... A rooster is walking along one day, when he comes to a riverbank with a big bag of CAT FOOD beside it. Uninterested in the bag, he looks over to the other side of the river, and sees a huge bag of CHICKEN FEED, which...

Bad Accident

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus. 'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor. Seamus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what...

Housework

Housework is a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that Ralph...

our parrot

i was in the pet shop one day, when this parrot started bobboing his head at me. so i moved closer to him. " hey bud, buy me" he says. " but, you aint got no feet" i reply. " so what " he says, " my schlong keeps me from falling offn my perch, so buy...

Where is God?

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it. If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher...

Grandma's Birth Control Pills

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Sienna"]A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the...

Cop a load of this.....

Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service, Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so...

Jokes

Two bees had just got married. The newly wed couple head off and the husband turns to his new bride and says i love you honey.

Golf Balls

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'Its...

Saterday

This is not a joke. In my younger years I went to see a buddy on a saturday morning. I had quite a few the night before. a few more buddy showed up and we havin a chat. Joe moe showed up with his sheppard.. The dog had a crap then ate it. (Wheeereel) I...

?? GUTS Vs. BALLS ??

?? GUTS Vs. BALLS ?? What's the big DIFFERENCE between GUTS AND BALLS ??? GUTS is arriving home late (after a night out with the guys), being assaulted by your wife with a BROOM, then having the GUTS to ask: "Are you still CLEANING.... or are you...

Another Blonde Joke!

They are so much fun if you're not blonde: Why do blondes wear panties? To keep their ankles warm. mots.

Interesting Wedding!!!

This one is good!!! Master Card Wedding You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a recent Wedding that took place at Clemson University . It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300...