Bitch till the End!

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.' The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been...

A very racist Joke

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on theirforeheads. Most of us have naively thought this wasconnected with tradition or religion, but the Indian Embassyin Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings...

Women Jokes

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been...

Two Beggars

Jose and Carlos are both beggars. They beg in different areas of town. Carlos begs for the same amount of time as Jose, but only collects about eight or nine dollars a day. Jose brings home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day. He drives a...

All for $500

A woman just stepped out of the shower just as her husband jumped in the shower. Suddenly the door bell rings. She wrapps a towel around her and opens the door. There stood her neighbor's husband shocked. The neighbor said, " I'll give you $500 if you...

Offensive Immigration Joke :)

Sent to me by my redneck cousin... A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me...

I Feel Fine

A farmer was heading to town in his truck, with his cow in back, when he saw a car coming toward him swerve over the center line. Well, he swerved too and ended up in a ditch, flying out of the truck and landing beside the road. His cow hit on the...

Thats What She Said!

ok guys give it ur best "thats what he said" jokes. ok i start. i work at a fast food store, a young couple come through the line they start arguing about who was going to pay when the guy says "stop beating on me woman!!". THATS WHAT HE SAID!! now...

Cake or Bed?

Cake Or Bed A Husband Is At Home Watching A Football Game When His Wife Interrupts, 'honey, Could You Fix The Light In The Hallway? It's Been Flickering For Weeks Now'. He Looks At Her And Says Angrily, 'fix The Lights Now? Does It Look Like I Have Ge...

Don't Laugh, Nurse!

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh." Bob declared. "Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient," she replied. "Okay then," Bob said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest...

Mechanical Engineers

Ray & Bubba, Arkansas Mechanical Engineers Ray & Bubba were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. 'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Bubba,'but we don't have a...

Minot Winter

I dug this up from some old archives of mine. It is kind of an inside joke from/for those that have served in the Air Force and especially for those that have had the opportunity to live in Minot ND for a few years. For those of you who live in Florida...

wrinkles

True story....some years ago ( 20) when I was a game warden in New Mexico, I was on patrol in the northwest part of the state. I had another officer with me in my pickup truck. we were about 50 miles from the nearest paved road traveling thru about 5...

The Farm Kid

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door. 'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked. 'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.' 'Well,' said the...

an irish joke, know any?

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished...

Aliens?

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947 , a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well known...

Riddle: Who Am I?

I am a mammal. Considering my name in English, I might be considered "head of a pivotal gang"; but usually I am considered a fool. What am I?

We Hate the USA

A little song parody by some colorful characters we all know. Enjoy! (To the tune of God Bless the USA) If tomorrow all of this were gone, The American way of life. And I had to start all over, I'd be sure to ditch my wife. And I'd thank my lucky...

The Optimist and Pessimist

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one...

The Cowboy

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys...

Old Geezers

Old Geezers:Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called as you will see... 'Geezers' are easy to spot: At sporting events, during the playing of the Star Spangled BANNER. Old Geezers remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without...

Painting The Church

Painting the Church" There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit furthe As it happened, he got away with this for some time,...

Getting in on the act!

this thespian just would not depart� on and on she went like a verbal fart� on and on about how she was so smart - ass was more like the appropriate part� claiming her act was a work of art!