Democrat Or Republian,,you'll Find This Funny

[COLOR="red"][SIZE="3"]A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family , so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call...

the lost bison { sorry Lame, i couldnt resist }

once there was this bison running around rockcreek park in dc. every so often a passing motorist would catch a glimpse of him or a jogger would see his droppings, but nothing else. the park service tried to find him by ir imaging but no succsess, so...

A True Love Story

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, 'What did you steal?' She replied, 'A can of peaches.' The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that...

Pupose Of Life...

[COLOR="Red"][SIZE="3"]On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be...

our leader of past.

near little rock, there were three contractors working on a split level house. one was holding the facia board, one was operating the sawsall, and the other was holding the sawsall users ladder. all of a sudden the one holding the facia board screams a...

a cowboys frustration

cowboy bob was captured by the comanche. they put him in the center lodge and told him that he'd die come sunrise, but, he could have one last request. so he asked them to bring him his horse. they did, so bob whispers in silvers ear and he gollups off...

No-mor Inamurz.....

NO-MOR INAMURZ..... Bubba wuz en th hospidul wif a saveer bowul-dizordur. Hit wuz tyme fur Bubba ta git anuthur INAMUR. Hee nevur mindud tu mush.... cuzz a purdee lidul red-hedud nurz wuz th wun hoo dun th purseedur. Butt thiz tyme.... a burlee MAIL...

Bumed Et Th Nursun Hom.....

BUMED ET TH NURSUN HOM..... An ole fellur en th nursun hom heer, gut a fo'evur-mo bigg bodul o' booz fur hiz burfday. Hee tawked th ole ladee en th nex rume en-ta shurun hit wif hem. Adur thay wuz bof plum bumed.... hee stortud feelun-up th ole ladee,...

Deaf wife

Deaf wife A man feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple...

Eighteen bottles of whiskey

Eighteen bottles of whiskey I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else. After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant...

Puzzle

Puzzle A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According...

Little girl

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was...

What the duck?

What the duck? Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don't have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don't have any F*****g...

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

Why did the Chicken cross the road? Peoples answer to "Why did the Chicken cross the road?": AL GORE: I invented the chicken! AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the...

a day in the life

of a west virginian redneck family. " daddy, can i barrow the farm vehicle soos i can drive into town?" why sure merrylou, but you know the rules. " oh, okay daddy.' ooh, daddy!, yer cock tastes just like shit!" "of course merrylou, junior barrowed the...

My Irish Buddy's 12 - Inch Bic ! !

MY IRISH BUDDY'S 12 - INCH BIC ! ! As has been a tradition for many years now (ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY).... my Irish buddy ("SHAMROCK" O'TOOLE) and I go GOLFING. Today.... after we had finished playing "the front nine".... we decided to take our usual...

medical problems

I sent my wife for plastic surgery- they cut her credit card in half

Little Johnny and his sister

Johnny just had a baby sister. She kept crying all day long and was screaming up quite a storm, when Johnny asked his mom, "Mom, where did you get her, anyway?" Mom smiled and said, "She came from heaven, Johnny" "Oh Right!", Johnny said, "I can...

Clever Lawyer

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an...

Joe's office

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to his hometown after graduation because he could be a big man in this tiny town. He really wanted to impress everyone, so he opened his new law...

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!! Dear Bo$$ In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport...

Drunks

The drunk staggered up the driveway of his home, where his son was working under the bonnet of his car. "What's wrong, son?" he asked "Piston broke" came the reply. "So am I " muttered his father as he stumbled off. A cab driver picked up a drunk. The...

Classic

A burger walks into a bar and asks for an all day breakfast. The barnam says "sorry we don't serve food here."...

Wisdom comes with age

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there...

after the alamo de baxar

as santa anna was leaving, everyone heard someone yelling. they all turned to look and it was some weaseled old tennessean on the bell tower. he was shouting, " cowards, come back here, i aint dont with yll yet, ill kill every damned one of you!" santa...