Latex Gloves

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this: A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. ' Do you know how they...

A major network is planning a new "survivor" show.

[B][SIZE="4"]In response, the State of Texas is planning: "Survivor, Texas Style". The contestants will start in El Paso, travel I-20 through Pecos, Odessa, Midland, Big Spring, Abilene, Ft.Worth & Dallas. They will then proceed down to Waco,...

Mistaken Identity

George was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows. 'Twenty quid,' she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the heck,its only twenty quid. So they hide in the bushes. They're going 'at it' for a couple...

Computer Glitch

------------------------------------------- There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was...

Clean jokes please

An atheist was walking through the woods, thinking to himself, "How beautiful the animals are!" "How majestic the trees are!" "How powerful the rivers are!" As he walked along the river, he heard rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned and saw an...

Aging of Presidents

Much has been said about the aging of the President of the United States during their terms in office. Below are just a few examples (pictures on the left were taken their first year in office, pictures on the right were taken during their last year in...

Underwear Dust

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let...

marriage

The sharing of marriage... The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries,...

I Posted Some Comedy Videos

Hey guys, I recently posted some comedy videos that I would love to get feedback on. I'm looking to add some more soon. Thanks. Tim

Lipstick in School

Lipstick in School (priceless) According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine,...

Dogs and Cats....LOL

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food...

The Story of Adam and Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.' And God said, I will create a companion for you that...

Water!!!!

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties. The...

New British Flag

Gordon Brown today announced that they are changing our Union Jack to a Condom because its more accurately reflects the government�s political stance. A Condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of...

Fart Football

A married couple in their 80's no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one...

How Men and Women Shower - A Comparison

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note...

A Short Love Story

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very...

3 Alabama good old boys and 3 Yankees

[B][COLOR="Blue"][SIZE="4"]One morning 3 Alabama good old boys and 3 Yankees were in a ticket line at the Birmingham train station heading to Atlanta for a big football game. The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners...

4 Little Animals

4 Little Animals You've gotta love this little girl. What a fine woman/wife she'll make! A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals."...

Twenty Dollars

On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking encounter. In His highly aroused state, her husband readily Agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more Than 30...

Summary of Life...lol

:DSummary of Life GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always...

Poker Face

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying...

For lack of a better title or just another Ausie joke...

A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a...

1-2-3.......4

Poor Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He goes to see his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I...

A Letter Home

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland ) Dear Mum & Dad, I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug...