Just Keep The Ole Motor Running.....

JUST KEEP THE OLE MOTOR RUNNING..... Yep.... it sure was "the talk of the whole town" when my 80-year-old cousin went and got himself married to a 25-YEAR-OLD WOMAN a few years back ! ! Well.... as BAD - LUCK would have it.... ten-months after the...

Robbery At The Sperm Bank.....

ROBBERY AT THE SPERM BANK..... A few days ago, a guy walked into the sperm-doner bank here in town wearing a ski mask and waving a huge pistol around ! ! He walked up to the nurse and demanded that she go and open the sperm bank vault door. She says, "...

Caught Holding His Manhood.....

CAUGHT HOLDING HIS MANHOOD..... Howard is 90-years-old, and lives in a senior citizens home. Every night, right after dinner, he goes to a secluded garden-area behind the center just to sit and ponder about all his accomplishments and long life. One...

Very Different Anniversary Gifts....

Very Different Anniversary Gifts..... Three Guys Were Sitting In A Neighborhood Pub Drinking And Talking. One Was A Doctor, One Was A Lawyer, And One Was A Biker. After A Sip Of His Martini, The Doctor Said, " You Know....tomorrow Is My Wedding...

for all you military

For all you military people out there.. Something you wish you could have said to your DI and got away with lol. One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone...

My Buddy's Sperm Count....

MY BUDDY'S SPERM COUNT..... My best buddy (72-years-old) recently married a much younger woman (37-years-old). After they had been married about six-months, they BOTH decided that they wanted to try and have a BABY (go-figure). So.... my friend made an...

Where's My Coffee, Bitch ??

" WHERE'S MY COFFEE, BITCH ?? " Upon reaching his assigned seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot snuggly strapped into the seat right next to him on the plane. The man politely asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee, and the parrot squawks-out,...

Rabbit freedom

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow,...

Sex Education For girls!

This is an actual extract from a sex education school text book for girls in the early 1960's in the u.k. and written by a woman.! When retiring to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible.Whilst feminine hygiene is of the upmost...

Jokes that offend everyone

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because...

They walk among us!

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46 .64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was...

advice click link below

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/category/agony-aunt/ bloody hilarious!!!! not for the prudish here!!!

even more blonde jokes

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The...

Yet another blonde joke...

A beautiful young blonde woman was sitting in the first class section of a 747 bound for New York City, when the stewardess stopped to check her ticket, and told her, "I'm sorry maam, but your ticket is for coach, not first class, I'm going to have to...

speaking of mexican jokes

i was in a small town down there once and someone stole my watch. i needed to catch a bus out of there the next afternoon so i strolled out of the hotel with my luggage and saw a mexican sitting behind a bull tied to a post by a ring through his nose,...

Colonoscopies

[SIZE="4"][B]Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1....

Estate Planning

[SIZE="3"]Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening...

Funny Joke....

[SIZE="3"][B]A husband read an article to his wife , about how many words women use a day is 30,000. But in the case of a man it is 15,000.The wife replied "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men ".The husband then turned to...

childhood jokes

yes i just stole Scotts theme but this aint no ryme saying, or is it? this guy turns 18. he has a pet mallard too. his dad says" son take the farm truck to the big city and have fun. " so he jumps in the truck and heads right for the red light...

Funny!!!

[COLOR="Purple"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8: People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the Burlington Northern...

Scottish Priorities

One day a Scotsman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat...

New Stress-management Technique

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work. 1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over...

Definitions by Gender

[B][SIZE="3"]THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet....

Ten Men And One Woman

There were eleven people hanging on to a rope that extended down from a helicopter... Ten men and One woman The weight of eleven people was too much for the rope. So, the group decided that one person would get off, because if the weight on the rope...