The Onion News Network

Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized">http:// Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

Splish Splash

So I was browsing through YouTube looking for background music for our Sea World Team Building video I'm compiling and I came across this. =)  

Conversation with my self

NOTE: This is not a topic I would typically discuss so openly but my rather vocal and demented self enjoys embarrassing me every chance possible.   ~~In the laxatives aisle at Wal Mart~~   Self:  Get something mild Me:  I know, I...

No matter How CUTE they are

No matter How CUTE they are, Kitties can be trusted with a guns too.lol Tim.demdexSubmit({pdata:[18236]});  

Surely not already?

What is it with all this getting old crap? I mean......for 32 years my body was like a well oiled machine. ok so sometimes it was a fat well oiled machine but it kept going. Sometimes during gym class it asked questions like 'Why do we have to run?'...

After the divorce

Billy Ray wanted a less aggressive female who would listen when he wanted some quiet to watch the game     

Comedians You Should Know: Anjelah Johnson

Best known for her Bon Qui Qui skit from MadTV, Anjelah Johnson is one comedian that you should definitely know. Her “thing”, if you will, is being a Mexican-Native American. I guess you could say her other “thing” is that she is good looking.  I...

Men or Women, Who Are the better Drivers???

This has been an on going dispute since the dawn of the automobile. Ask a man, they will say THEY are, ask a woman and she will say SHE is, so who is right? Well, since I’M writing this article, I say that WE, (Women) are the safer drivers. Now,...

Hope for the over-30 single?

Single life is hard, but it’s harder still when you’re in your 30s (or older). Every couple you know and every couple you see is a constant reminder that you’ve been left behind. While your friends are raising children, you are still eating ramen...

At least my dog doesn’t judge me…

A dog is a man's best friend not just because they are cute and cuddly but because they look at you with their big thoughtful understanding eyes and listen to you patiently as you rant about your long day. They never judge you for your actions and...

How Do You Know If You’re Falling In Love

Men AND women have asked this question since the dawning of time. Am I falling in love, how can I tell, oh, I WISH there was a way to know for sure. Good thing you’ve come to the LOVE DR. Here are some SURE FIRE ways of knowing if you’re falling in...

The Advantages Men “Think” Being a Woman Has

Oh boy…Where do I start on this one. Thinking…Thinking…Hmmmmm. Oh wait (Jumps up and down), I got one…Boobs, yes, that’s right…Boobs. Let’s cut straight to the chase and be honest here…Men think that because we have boobs, we can rule the...

No Swight and the 7 Dwugly Orfs

Once upon a time in a coreign fountry, there lived a geautiful birl who lived with seven dwugly orfs. There was No Swhite,( The geautiful birl), and seven dwugly orfs named Smiley, Sneezeball, Mr. Crank, Sleepyhead, The Dope man, Doc, (His...

The Old Man's Throne

             The Seat Of Power                                In the finale of a man’s life, his bladder and prostate seem to dictate his hour to hour existence. As such, he now finds himself looking...

The Ten Facts Of Life

      Old age opens all kinds of doors to logic and common sense. The older I get....the clearer things look;   1....Life is sexually transmitted. 2....Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at...