The Democrat

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect US wildlife. Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party . . . as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for...

The Mermaid

One day, three men caught a mermaid!!!!!! The mermaid saidm "I'll give you each one wish if youlet me go." The first man said, "I want to be 40% smarter." - Poof and he was 40% smarter. The second man said "I want to be 60% smarter." And she made him...

Why God Made Mothers

WHY GOD MADE MOMS Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions: Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting...

Farmer

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course, the farmer is blond. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing...

Priceless

(this is priceless!) A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had...

Harassment

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the...

Best News Headlines

This might have been around before, but I think it's good enough for a replay! >Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says >No, really? >~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ >Police Begin Campaign to Run Down...

Black Leather Bra...

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra &...

New Store

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, ' I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the...

mature lady

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one....

Warning! Chocolate Causes Small Feet

DO YOU EAT CADBURYS CHOCOLATE? We were raised on CADBURYS chocolate as kids and even into adulthood. I will never eat it again. I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore....

Dear Abbey

DEAR ABBY WAS AT A LOSS FOR WORDS: Dear Abby: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go...

The Barber Shop

THE BARBER'S SHOP... A bloke stuck his head into a barber's and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'about 2 hours.' The bloke left. A few days later, the same bloke stuck his head...

Jokes

The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its...

Stupidity Awards

. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time...

The Night Light

An 80 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" George replies, "God and I are tight. He...

Another Blonde Joke

Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!" Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is...

The White Canadian

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside a Vancouver immigration office. 'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in Canada with your wife and three children.'...

Pantyhose

This might have been around before, but i think it's cute. How many animals can you get into a pair of pantyhose? 10 little piggies 2 calves 1 ass an undisclosed number of hares 1 pussy

That's Funny...

That's Funny... Humor is a funny thing, pun intended. Many people believe that laughter is what makes us human. I would align with this but then it makes me wonder about those people I've met who do not appear to have a sense of humor. Does this mean...