Advantages Of Being A Woman

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Girl Power!!! :D ======================= 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our...

Sotally Tober.

Sotally Tober Starkle starkle little twink who the hell you are I think I'm not under what you call the alcofluence of incohol I'm just a little slort of sheep I'm not drunk like tinkle peep I don't know who is me yet but the drunker I stand here the...

Demotivators

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]If you've walked the halls of Corporate America, you've no doubt seen Successories - framed images & words that are supposed to inspire, motivate, blah blah blah. Well - someone who has a REAL grip on life in...

Creative Ways to Call Someone Stupid

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]My Mom always said it wasn't nice to call someone stupid. I wish I'd had this list handy as a kid.... ;) The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead. Whole lotta choppin', but no chips a flyin'. When God baked...

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Yeah - you've heard most of these before - but they still make me giggle every year :D 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are 3. Dementia...

Comebacks For "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]If only I had the nerve to use some of these...... :rolleyes: I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. What? And spoil my great sex life? Nobody would believe me in white. Just lucky, I guess. My...

Guts or Balls???

The Medical Distinction We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below. Guts - is arriving home late after a night out...

Memorable Headlines

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Farmer Bill Dies in House Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case...

The Warden's New Kitchen

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made...

Calamities in Internet Dating

Date No. 1 I show up. He has no teeth. Well, one tooth...in the front...and it's crooked. I find that I have no appetite for my turkey sandwich as I watch him gum at his steak. It's a wondrous thing to behold really. He looks up from his plate at me...

Fetching Cotton

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]A debt collector knocked on the door of a country family, that made their living weaving cloth. "Is Jack home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Im sorry," the woman replied. "Jack's gone for cotton." A...

Twin Skunks

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="Purple"]A mother skunk gave birth to twins, whom she named In and Out. One day In was out, so she aked Out,"Out go out and find In, In's out and I want him in, I've been looking for In outside for ages, I can't...

Thoughts To Change Your Outlook

A person who smiles in the face of adversity.....probably has a scapegoat. Plagiarism saves time. If at first you don't succeed, try management. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. TEAMWORK.....means never having to take all the...

Bumper Stickers for Women

- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people - How can I miss you if you won't go away? - Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. - If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap, and easy! - Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the...

Little Johnny

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?" he asked. "To stay pretty for daddy," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a...

The Witness

An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, �Did you see my client commit this burglary?� �Yes,� said Sam, �I saw him plainly take the goods.� The lawyer asks Sam again, �Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw...

Painful Puns

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]These are bad. REALLY bad. You've been warned - read at your own peril!! :D You know, two psychics are just a pair-a-normal people. There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At...

new pirate movie

did you hear about the new pirate movie thats comming out? I wouldnt let my kids watch it...it rated RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a blind man here to see you

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the...

goog ole jokes

Free drinks for everyone One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no...

Jokes for u

The Perfect Husband... Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Darling,...

Funny of the day

LOL Click to see RoflCat. :D I come on there lots, even to look at the same old pictures! They never lose their humor.