Adam & Eve

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' enquired God. 'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I...

Remember This At Christmas Time

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain...

Hi I am back with new jokes!!!

An Antarctican boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The...

Joke - O'Malley and sheep

O�Malley was talking to some young lads at the local pub, ranting as usual. The just of his rant was that he was not appreciated. �Lads� O�Malley said. �You see the Well down at the town square? I made that over the course of five years. It took a lot...

Three Things To Ponder !!!!!!

[SIZE="4"]Three Things to Ponder: 1. Cows 2. The Constitution 3. The Ten Commandments COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad Cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada Almost three years...

Tequila Christmas Cake

[SIZE="3"][B]Please be careful while baking this cake :) Tequila Christmas Cake 1 cup water 1 tsp. baking soda 1 cup sugar 1 tsp. salt 1 cup of brown sugar Lemon juice 4 large eggs Nuts 1 bottle tequila 2 cups dried fruit Sample the tequila to check...

A level of Insanity !!!!!!!!!!

[B][SIZE="4"]Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity. 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3....

The little "Darling"

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's...

A man walks into a bar...........

ok i want the best punchline to the 'A man walks into a bar' gag! the best one wins...........a similar prize to that of the last to the post but only if you make me do a belly laugh please don't all do the 'ouch!' line he he

George Carlin's Deep Thoughts

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? How is it possible to have a civil war? If God dropped acid, would he see people? If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed,...

The Little Firefighter

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]A firefighter is working outside the station when he notices a little girl in a little red wagon with small ladders on the sides, a garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon is...

Crime Doesn't Pay When You're an Idiot!

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]If you're going to be dumb enough to commit a crime - at least be smart enough to not be an idiot about it!!! ---------------------- A man walked into a convenience store with a gun and demanded that the cashier...

What Women's Words Mean

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women 1. - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up. 2. - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to...

Thoughts on Marriage - by Kids

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"] "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, AGE 6 "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you...

Things Not To Say to Police Officers

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"] 1. Are you Andy or Barney? 2. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 3. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer. 4. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my...

Old Lady Jokes

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together. One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled. The...

Why it's Great to be a Guy

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Okay, I posted one for the women - I guess it's only fair that the guys get some air-time too..... Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" Bachelor parties whomp butt over...

20 Ways To Annoy A Public Bathroom Stallmate

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]If only I had the nerve to try some of these..... :rolleyes: 1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, 'May I borrow a highlighter?' 2. Say, 'Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on...

Creative Ways to Annoy Others

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and...

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really ticked off. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE...

A story..Beware twisted humor ahead

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer�.The True Hollywood Story Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was not always the star we know him as now�.in fact, his life started with nowhere to go but up, or so it seemed. Rudolph Rainbow Reindeer was born on the outskirts...

Fatal Things To Say To Your Pregnant Wife

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]I've never been pregnant - but I would imagine that these little comments wouldn't go over so well...... ;) 17. "I finished the Oreo's." 16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."...

Men Are Like

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"](Hahaha, sorry about the male bashing - I'm PMS'ing - and you have to read THAT thread to know that that really means!) :D ..Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. ..Mascara. They usually run...

Wittle Wabbit

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Purple"]A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you...

Marriage Quotes By Men

[COLOR="Purple"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"] I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost...